I hate music, especially when it's played.
I hate music, especially when it's played.
Be awful nice to 'em goin' up, because you're gonna meet 'em all comin' down.
Be awful nice to 'em goin' up, because you're gonna meet 'em all comin' down.
[ad-libbing with Bob Hope] When it comes to noses, you're a retailer. I'm a wholesaler!
[ad-libbing with Bob Hope] When it comes to noses, you're a retailer. I'm a wholesaler!
Why can't everybody leave everybody else the hell alone?
Why can't everybody leave everybody else the hell alone?
My wife has a slight impediment in her speech. Every now and then she stops to breathe.
My wife has a slight impediment in her speech. Every now and then she stops to breathe.
Politics is developing more comedians than radio ever did.
Politics is developing more comedians than radio ever did.
Goodnight, Mrs. Calabash, wherever you are.
Goodnight, Mrs. Calabash, wherever you are.
I like to make people laugh. Dey like me. What more could I want?
I like to make people laugh. Dey like me. What more could I want?
[on his funny looks as a child] I'd go home [from school] and cry. I made up my mind never to hurt a...
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[on his funny looks as a child] I'd go home [from school] and cry. I made up my mind never to hurt anybody else, no matter what. I never made jokes about anybody's big ears, crossed eyes, or their stuttering.
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